Wednesday, 28 September 2011
Wednesday, 21 September 2011
Wednesday, 14 September 2011
The Laws of Retail
- When you're shortstaffed, tons of clients will come in to the store at once.
- When you're fully staffed, no one will enter the store.
- When there is a long lineup at the cash register, a client will try to pay entirely in small change.
- The second you sit on the toilet is the second the phone starts ringing.
- The second you start eating is the second a client walks in to the store.
- If you ask a client to describe the sort of cough they have, they will try to emulate it and cough all over you and the merchandise.
- The second you've sold the last of one particular item that hasn't sold in 6 months, 3 other clients will ask for it.
- When the shelf is restocked, no one will want that particular item anymore.
- People will always ask for a product in the one brand you store does not carry.
- If a product is unavailable or discontinued, some clients will assume it is the store's staff's fault.
Wednesday, 7 September 2011
Thursday, 1 September 2011
"Could I Be Pregnant?"
The Scene:
Pharmacy in Quebec. Female client, early twenties, bursts through the door, and begins scouring every aisle. She turns down the staff's offer to help, and looks very distraught. In fact, she looks like the mob is about to cut off her leg if she doesn't find this particular item. Then she finds it: the section for pregnancy tests. Instead of appearing relieved, the client appears to be in a deeper stage of despair as she reads the boxes. Finally, after several minutes of growing more and more confused, the client approaches the counter for the laboratory at the back of the pharmacy.
Client: Can I speak with the pharmacist?
Technician goes to get the pharmacist, to help out the girl who is on the verge of wringing her hands in despair. She paces back and forth a bit, as she waits for the pharmacist to assist her. She has not yet started to sweat profusely, but from the look on her face, this event is looming on the horizon. As the pharmacist approaches, the client gears up to ask what must be a very important question:
Client: Could I be pregnant?
Pharmacist: (looks taken aback) Well, do you exhibit any of the normal signs of being pregnant?
Client: (looks confused) What are they?
Technician tries to not laugh. Snort comes out muffled, sort of like a sneeze, while resisting the urge to facepalm.
Women have been enjoying more sexual freedom in recent years than past generations could. That freedom also brings about consequences, but that's not what I am here to discuss today. Rather, I simply find it baffling that in this day and age, women in their early twenties are unaware of the symptoms of one of life's greatest miracles: pregnancy.
It would be slightly more acceptable if the client in the above scenario had been in her early teens. Perhaps she hadn't experienced the teenage embarrassment of high school sexual education. But this particular client was not some paranoid teenager, but rather a grown woman, capable of making choices and mistakes, and certainly past the age where an adult has to explain the birds and the bees.
Even if this client had a very sheltered upbringing, with no parents or teachers to discuss how men have penises and women have vaginas with, sex is inescapable. At this point, finding a character on a TV show or a movie who has fallen pregnant is likely. Then, the usual symptoms are brought to light- morning sickness, nausea, soreness of the breasts, et cetera.
Even in my late teens and early twenties, I knew people who had become pregnant and had children. Pregnant women, or women who have been pregnant in the past, are not shy about sharing their experiences, from the nausea to the actual event of giving birth. So for this girl to have never heard of any of the symptoms of pregnancy leads me to believe that she spent her life living under a rock, with no television, friends or parents to help her out. It's kind of sad, really, to be so naive about some of the most important things in life.
If for any reason you ever find yourself in a conversation about pregnancy with anyone who is completely unaware of the whole ordeal, save your local pharmacist some grief and explain it to them. Even if it takes a lot of explaining, humanity is better off in the long run.
Pharmacy in Quebec. Female client, early twenties, bursts through the door, and begins scouring every aisle. She turns down the staff's offer to help, and looks very distraught. In fact, she looks like the mob is about to cut off her leg if she doesn't find this particular item. Then she finds it: the section for pregnancy tests. Instead of appearing relieved, the client appears to be in a deeper stage of despair as she reads the boxes. Finally, after several minutes of growing more and more confused, the client approaches the counter for the laboratory at the back of the pharmacy.
Client: Can I speak with the pharmacist?
Technician goes to get the pharmacist, to help out the girl who is on the verge of wringing her hands in despair. She paces back and forth a bit, as she waits for the pharmacist to assist her. She has not yet started to sweat profusely, but from the look on her face, this event is looming on the horizon. As the pharmacist approaches, the client gears up to ask what must be a very important question:
Client: Could I be pregnant?
Pharmacist: (looks taken aback) Well, do you exhibit any of the normal signs of being pregnant?
Client: (looks confused) What are they?
Technician tries to not laugh. Snort comes out muffled, sort of like a sneeze, while resisting the urge to facepalm.
Women have been enjoying more sexual freedom in recent years than past generations could. That freedom also brings about consequences, but that's not what I am here to discuss today. Rather, I simply find it baffling that in this day and age, women in their early twenties are unaware of the symptoms of one of life's greatest miracles: pregnancy.
It would be slightly more acceptable if the client in the above scenario had been in her early teens. Perhaps she hadn't experienced the teenage embarrassment of high school sexual education. But this particular client was not some paranoid teenager, but rather a grown woman, capable of making choices and mistakes, and certainly past the age where an adult has to explain the birds and the bees.
Even if this client had a very sheltered upbringing, with no parents or teachers to discuss how men have penises and women have vaginas with, sex is inescapable. At this point, finding a character on a TV show or a movie who has fallen pregnant is likely. Then, the usual symptoms are brought to light- morning sickness, nausea, soreness of the breasts, et cetera.
Even in my late teens and early twenties, I knew people who had become pregnant and had children. Pregnant women, or women who have been pregnant in the past, are not shy about sharing their experiences, from the nausea to the actual event of giving birth. So for this girl to have never heard of any of the symptoms of pregnancy leads me to believe that she spent her life living under a rock, with no television, friends or parents to help her out. It's kind of sad, really, to be so naive about some of the most important things in life.
If for any reason you ever find yourself in a conversation about pregnancy with anyone who is completely unaware of the whole ordeal, save your local pharmacist some grief and explain it to them. Even if it takes a lot of explaining, humanity is better off in the long run.
Wednesday, 31 August 2011
Tuesday, 30 August 2011
"I'm Parked Illegally"
Parking space is a rare beast in certain parts of Montreal. Sometimes, you'll get lucky and nab a space in the four seconds before someone else comes along, and other times you need to use more creative measures.
"I parked in the alley. Is that okay?" Probably not okay, but as long as the man giving out parking tickets isn't around, no one really cares. However, the parking ticket men know what areas to patrol for illegal parking, and are never too far from the pharmacy, where they have managed to make a few pretty pennies by ticketing multiple cars.
This forces people to be fast when they run in to the pharmacy and are parked illegally outside. The parking ticket man might not be fast enough to stop them if they manage to run in, grab what they need and run out of the store before you have the chance to blink.
It's pretty easy to tell who is illegally parked. They usually run in, don't stop to talk to anyone, and have a pained expression on their face that implies either they are about to get a parking ticket, or they desperately need to take a dump.
The client then pays for their item, without making eye contact and then proceed to drum their fingers impatiently on the counter while the debit machine processes their card. Of course, when a person is in a rush, the machine takes forever to process the transaction, and the end result is divots left in the counter from the nails of an impatient client.
The client then runs back outside, either to the safety of their parked car, or to scream at the man who is writing up a ticket. If a television show ever pops up about parking ticket men, I am certain that some of the fights I have witnessed in front of the pharmacy would be the show's highlights. It has everything that a great show needs: drama, anger, extravagant hand gestures (and some not-so-extravagant ones), and lots of swearing to be censored before the show hits the air.
"I parked in the alley. Is that okay?" Probably not okay, but as long as the man giving out parking tickets isn't around, no one really cares. However, the parking ticket men know what areas to patrol for illegal parking, and are never too far from the pharmacy, where they have managed to make a few pretty pennies by ticketing multiple cars.
This forces people to be fast when they run in to the pharmacy and are parked illegally outside. The parking ticket man might not be fast enough to stop them if they manage to run in, grab what they need and run out of the store before you have the chance to blink.
It's pretty easy to tell who is illegally parked. They usually run in, don't stop to talk to anyone, and have a pained expression on their face that implies either they are about to get a parking ticket, or they desperately need to take a dump.
The client then pays for their item, without making eye contact and then proceed to drum their fingers impatiently on the counter while the debit machine processes their card. Of course, when a person is in a rush, the machine takes forever to process the transaction, and the end result is divots left in the counter from the nails of an impatient client.
The client then runs back outside, either to the safety of their parked car, or to scream at the man who is writing up a ticket. If a television show ever pops up about parking ticket men, I am certain that some of the fights I have witnessed in front of the pharmacy would be the show's highlights. It has everything that a great show needs: drama, anger, extravagant hand gestures (and some not-so-extravagant ones), and lots of swearing to be censored before the show hits the air.
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